Envy.
The turmoil that doesn’t seem to end
Envy
I hate envy.
The sense of passion, futility, giving in to the feeling of not being good enough.
Slow steps. Deep steps. Traveling in a snowstorm.
Green colored glasses that pose as positivity and compliments and laughter — A calm facade….
When really, they are pigmented with radium
Vapor seeping into the wearer’s eyes as they go numb and foul.
The tension of the troubles from balancing on a tightrope
Slip up as you forget you are not Charles Blondin
Which emboldens the cravings
The fear eating you up as your soul gets sold
You are frozen.
You’ve lost your way because you were focusing on the haves of others as your haves get halved.
Unspoken.
By trying to hide the decay that has now moved from your eyes to your mouth, you have stayed silent
Too silent.
Letting the heat of your breath simmer into your teeth and fuel it
Letting the radium permeate into the gums
Letting your family and friends be cut by the silence.
It was never enough.
Conformed.
Now this caution has morphed without an identity
Surrounded your entity
Confined to the ideals of others while yours stays underdeveloped and unalive
To get out, the glasses have to come off
What you carried with a belief has to come off
Then as the paradigm shifts and you move from the fuselage to the cock pilot of your own plane
Maybe then may the green radium drip away
Melt as you go closer to the sun and land in the eye of the storm
Melt as you feel inspired rather than envy
Melt as you breathe in and out your validity
Melt for as your being has become yours
Envy is a crude calamity
Preying on your innocent emotions
Tearing out the flesh of your passion
It can seem devastating to even have confidence, but by taking active steps and recognizing when it is happening it is possible to combat it.
Note
- Radium: a chemical that made a gorgeous green hue but was toxic; used in the late 1800s and early 1900s in beauty products, wallpapers, and more
- Charles Blondin: a French tightrope walker and daredevil
- Fuselage: the passenger area of a plane
